I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."

 

Advice From Men To Women

...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'

...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.

...Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

...Please don't drive when you're not driving.

...Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

...The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!

...When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

 

Related note...

When starting in the -middle- of a story, question, or thought, I am not obligated to understand, follow, or guess as to what you are referring. And no I don't, "know you well enough by now". Been married 9 years and still working on that one.

 

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.
Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes
on for awhile, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need
more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I
just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite."

 

LOL - That was awesome. Read it to my wife and we both laughed.

 

One of those clips where you just don't care that you don't know what the hell they are saying......

Rissa al concorso di bellezza - YouTube

 

I guess it's up to me again to keep this thread alive......

A man with a black eye, boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down. He immediately notices that the man next to him also has a black eye and says, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have blackeyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy replies, Well, it was a tongue twister accident. I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most beautiful large breasts was there.

So, instead of saying, "I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh"' accidentally said, "I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh"...and she socked me a good one.

The first guy replied, Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too.

I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a cup of coffee honey." But I accidentally said, "You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch"

 

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

"How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks. The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" says the seaman.

"What about your hook?" "Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand." "Incredible!" says the seaman.

"How’d you get the eye patch?" "A sea gull **** in my eye," the pirate replies. "You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the seaman asks. "Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

 

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows.
BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.