Post Whoring Newbie Thread
12-01-2011, 12:09 AM
Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 155
After a fire started in a downtown hotel four of the guests found the exit downstairs blocked by fire. The guests consisted of an Army Captain, a Navy Captain, an Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.
Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
12-01-2011, 12:22 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine get into an argument about
what armed force is the best. The argument gets so heated that they fail
to see an on-coming truck. They are hit and killed instantly. When they
arrive in heaven, they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So they
decide he can settle their argument. They walk up and ask him, "Saint
Peter, what Military Service is the best?" He thinks for a moment, then
says, "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you. But I'll tell you what. I'll
talk to God next time I see Him, and I'll find out for you. In the mean
time, welcome to heaven."
So they enter. Later, they see Saint Peter
while walking around, and they ask him about their question. But before
Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines, and
a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in it's beak. Saint
Peter says, "Ah, here's the answer from the Boss." He takes the letter,
and the dove flies off. He opens it, trumpets play, gold dust flies up,
and Saint Peter reads aloud:
FROM THE DESK OF GOD
TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN, AND MARINES
RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST.
Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines,
All branches of the United States Armed forces are truly honorable.
One should take pride in serving with the Military. You are all
well-trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well.
Therefore, there is no superior service.
Sincerely,
God, USMC (Ret.)
what armed force is the best. The argument gets so heated that they fail
to see an on-coming truck. They are hit and killed instantly. When they
arrive in heaven, they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So they
decide he can settle their argument. They walk up and ask him, "Saint
Peter, what Military Service is the best?" He thinks for a moment, then
says, "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you. But I'll tell you what. I'll
talk to God next time I see Him, and I'll find out for you. In the mean
time, welcome to heaven."
So they enter. Later, they see Saint Peter
while walking around, and they ask him about their question. But before
Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines, and
a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in it's beak. Saint
Peter says, "Ah, here's the answer from the Boss." He takes the letter,
and the dove flies off. He opens it, trumpets play, gold dust flies up,
and Saint Peter reads aloud:
FROM THE DESK OF GOD
TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN, AND MARINES
RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST.
Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines,
All branches of the United States Armed forces are truly honorable.
One should take pride in serving with the Military. You are all
well-trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well.
Therefore, there is no superior service.
Sincerely,
God, USMC (Ret.)
12-01-2011, 06:03 AM
Senior Member
Back Marker
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 155
The Non-Conforming Sparrow
There was once a non-conforming sparrow who decided to not fly south for the winter. However, the weather soon turned so cold that he changed his mind and reluctantly decided to fly south after all.
In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth, landing in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed where he had fallen and crapped on the little sparrow. The little sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings.
Warm, happy, and able to breathe, the little sparrow began to sing.
Just then, a large cat came by, heard the chirping and investigated the sound. Clearing away the manure, the cat found the little chirping sparrow and promptly ate him!
The moral of the story...
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you may just want to keep your mouth shut.
There was once a non-conforming sparrow who decided to not fly south for the winter. However, the weather soon turned so cold that he changed his mind and reluctantly decided to fly south after all.
In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth, landing in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed where he had fallen and crapped on the little sparrow. The little sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings.
Warm, happy, and able to breathe, the little sparrow began to sing.
Just then, a large cat came by, heard the chirping and investigated the sound. Clearing away the manure, the cat found the little chirping sparrow and promptly ate him!
The moral of the story...
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you may just want to keep your mouth shut.
