Randy, make me a mod so I don't have to worry about it.

 

I get to go to a RR express game tonight.... corporate sponsored. Woot!

 

Plus it's "Thirsty Thursday" which means everyone will be buying the $1 beers (though mine are paid for on the company dollar tonight)

 

Does anyone in Texas know if it's actually legal to have the bike's license plate turned 90degrees?

 

Oh, or am I not allowed to ask bike questions in here....?

 

Oh well, back to work.

 

Alcohol Warning Labels

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that
the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you
can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-
lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in
getting your *** kicked..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan
tpye reel Gode.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Those don't sound like warnings to me... more like augmentations

 

These two just about sum up my weekend.

 

Hell, that sums up my typical Tuesday!

 

Happy Friday!?

 

Peace

 

This

 

I say

 

To you

 

Be

 

Quick

 

Be ready

 

And

 

Roll

 

The

 

Bones

 

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the

Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping

to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old

Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?

They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need

water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want

to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than

that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles,

you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

"Your F"N brother won't let me in without a tie!!!!"

 

Great one, Mike! Bravo!

Also one of my fav's is the hundred taliban against 2 marines.

"It's a trap - there's really two on them."

 

Monkeys!

 

Elephants!

 

Tigers!

 

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses."

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

 

Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

"Son, where were you today?"
The son says "At school Dad." Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!"
"What dvd?"
"Toy Story." Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
Dad yells "What! When I was your age I didn't know what **** was!"
Robot then slaps the dad!
Mom laughs, "Ha Ha Ha! He's certainly YOUR son."
Robot then slaps the mom!!!!

 

This is a true story.

After having dug to a depth of 50 feet last year, New York archeologists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network more than 100 years earlier than anybody ever thought!

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, a team of California archaeologists dug to a depth of 200 feet and sure enough found copper wire ! The LA Times ran a story which said "California archaeologists discovery of 200 year old copper wire which is clear evidence California already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, a local newspaper in Texas reported the following:

"After diggin as deep as 300 feet in his pasture near Lubbock, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Texas had already gone wireless."