Truisms:

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich ..

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.


Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your *** tomorrow.


.........and as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age........it doesn't last that long."

 

Man, those were some lol's for sure.

 

Good ole Dave Barry:

"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter."

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic."

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

 

For those of you living in Texas, New York, Illinois, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey. Take note


Send me an email with how many kilowatt hrs you used last month, and I'll tell you what you would have paid with us..

JoinAmbit.com - Home

 

A state trooper stopped a 95 year old woman on interstate 20, and noticed as he was checking her drivers license, that she had a concealed carry permit.

He said, "Got any guns with you ma'am?"

She said, "Yes, a 45 Smith & Wesson in the glove compartment, a 357 magnum in the console and a 38 special in my purse."

The trooper said "Lady, what are you scared of?" She said, "NOT A DAMN THING!!

 

 

Lol at this entire thread.

 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

 

It was intense.

 

I was tardy again for work. Does that make me re-tardy?

 

I miss Calvin and Hobbes.

 

and The Far Side.

 

Calvin and Hobbes and the Far Side are sanity savers for sure.

 

One who speaks three languages: Trilingual

One who speaks two languages: Bilingual

One who speaks one language: American

 

I used to tell that one to my students, who were mostly foreign born or brought up in a non-English speaking household.

 

I do speak survival Spanish however... "Una mas cerveza, por favor".

 

I learned German in high school, which was a very practical and quite sensible decision on my part. I chose it cause everyone else was taking Spanish and I.. uh.. maybe wanted to go there or something.

 

I can speak more Spanish than German now just from eating at local restaurants. Gotta love the U.S. school system. Prepping us for the best!

 

lol, survival spanish

 

No ****! I took 2 years of German in high school, but I can only remember about 4 phrases now. And I did it for the same reason you did.

 

Did you hear about the quadraplegic juggler?


...He dropped all the quadraplegics.

 

All the German you need to know when riding a VTR is: Gib mir Benzin

 

 

Never thought Rammstein lyrics would be useful.

 

You can't have it.
Your wife won't let you.
Your girlfriend says it's unsafe. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Knock ...knock.....
"who is it?"
"We're men.... and we're here to take back your mancard."

This bike is not just a bike.... it's a muse.... it's a teleportation device.... hell, it's even like a bad assed medical tool. I once rode it by some guy who was constipated, just hearing me downshift from third to second emptied his bowels. I **** you not.
Hear that noise? That's not a dry clutch...that's a chick whistle. I'm tell'n ya...those Italians got that chick **** down. I left the exhaust stock because my buddy Phil upgraded the exhaust on his and I saw an elderly couple bust into flames when he bliped the throttle. (I have a conscience....that and I hate the smell of burnt flesh, so I left the cans alone.) It's got some carbon fiber stuff on it too, because carbon fiber is bad ***. Chuck Norris' beard is carbon fiber. Johnny Cash's suit was carbon fiber. Neil Armstrongs left arm is carbon fiber...... and we all know how bad assed that **** is. (Lance Armstongs ball is not carbon fiber..... but his bike was)

So.... you're asking yourself..."whats it like... riding a bike/muse/teleportation/badassed medical device like this? It's f'n AWESOME! Obama/Biden stickers melt off cars.... gravity dissapears around hot chicks undies....puppies weep..... people pay to be your facebook friend..... the Maricopa police dept. pulls you over just to get your autograph and thanks you having graced their tiny town with coolness the likes they've never seen.

If you're thinking about buy'n a Harley and have bought into that whole "chicks dig cruisers" thing....ask yourself .... when was the last time you saw Dan Haggerty get'n laid... hell... when was the last time you saw Dan period? The dude lived with a bear. Bears are cool and all..... but I'd rather be bang'n Keira Knightley than some bear. (google Keira Knightley Ducati.... you'll see what I mean)

What do you need to purchase the afore mentioned coolness?
*****...
A valid state class M license....
Money.... 10k obo
And.... a willingness to step outside the "me too bike" box.
(you might also want to bring towels..... as the ladies tend to moisten up around the bike)

Yeah its a Diuke........ Advert from Craigslist..

 

Fugger

 

Can't believe you people would let this thread die

 

We've worked too damn hard on it

 

Roll