Post Whoring Newbie Thread
Senior Member
SuperBike
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,188
From: New Braunfels, Texas
Loving Wife
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed
the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail
and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute,
and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too.'
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed
the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail
and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute,
and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too.'
Senior Member
SuperBike
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,188
From: New Braunfels, Texas
A man asked the waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in several of my garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in several of my garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches.
Just send the bottle back.
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,052
From: Leander TX!!
A man asked the waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in several of my garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in several of my garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches.
Just send the bottle back.
Senior Member
MotoGP
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,138
From: Austin, Tx
No ****! You can't even reach the footpegs. Tonight was Bike Night at the local pub. Where the hell were you??? There were hundreds of bikes there but none of them were yours. There were more older guys there tonight than all the 600's we had last week. Instead of waiting hours for our food, our group bolted just after dark to another place that was on the way home for both of us. You should try to make it next week.
Last edited by nuhawk; Apr 9, 2009 at 10:03 PM.
Senior Member
MotoGP
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,138
From: Austin, Tx
And to think of all the global warming we could be doing with that. They should have just left in in the bottom of the pit and carved his *** in it.
Another OCMD victim...
Back Marker
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 118
From: Spain, Europe
High Five
Thats how we bikers are, always friendly.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3tl_L9S-3Q
Regards from Spain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3tl_L9S-3Q
Regards from Spain
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,052
From: Leander TX!!
No ****! You can't even reach the footpegs. Tonight was Bike Night at the local pub. Where the hell were you??? There were hundreds of bikes there but none of them were yours. There were more older guys there tonight than all the 600's we had last week. Instead of waiting hours for our food, our group bolted just after dark to another place that was on the way home for both of us. You should try to make it next week.
Next week I am working 11-7 so no go then as well....I haven't even started this job yet, and I am over it...LOL
