Post Whoring Newbie Thread
Banned
MotoGP
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,942
From: Lake View Terrace, CA
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner.
His wife screams at him, "My hair & makeup is not done, the house is a mess,
the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the f*ck did you bring him home for?"
"Cause he's thinking of getting married."
His wife screams at him, "My hair & makeup is not done, the house is a mess,
the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the f*ck did you bring him home for?"
"Cause he's thinking of getting married."
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,052
From: Leander TX!!
Just got off of a business call and grabbed my cell phone to read a text from Janet, "We have a Sailor Daddy!!!!" I'm not sure that I could be anymore proud of him than I am right now, this has been a journey to say the least. His division completed Battlestations today and handed there US Navy Sailor cap. Can't wait to see him on Friday at graduation. Well done son, well done!
Senior Member
MotoGP
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,871
From: Phoenix, AZ
Net personal result of Obamacare for my company starting in 2014: 150% percent increase in cost to the exact same plan. This plan hasn't had a price increase in 5 years, had a drop of a couple percent a few years ago (before I started here). Company is eating even more cost than they're passing on.
Hope the lovely fellow or maiden who will benefit from my money will use it as wisely as if they'd earned it themselves! I certainly wasn't using it, being all healthy and taking care of myself like an idiot!
Mini-rant over. Just found this out today, so it's hot on my noggin.
Hope the lovely fellow or maiden who will benefit from my money will use it as wisely as if they'd earned it themselves! I certainly wasn't using it, being all healthy and taking care of myself like an idiot!
Mini-rant over. Just found this out today, so it's hot on my noggin.
Well take off, eh.
SuperBike
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,206
From: QC, Canada
This morning I was in an elevator when this beautifulbusty woman got on.
When I started staring at her *****, she said “Would you please press ‘1’ ”?
So I did!
I don't remember much after that.
When I started staring at her *****, she said “Would you please press ‘1’ ”?
So I did!
I don't remember much after that.
Senior Member
SuperBike
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,987
From: Bisbee, AZ
Say yeah! The monsoon has arrived. Was in the mid 90's, clouded up rained a bit and temps are are now low 70's. Will cut into the riding a bit but having the cooler temps and some much needed rain will be worth it.
Thread Killer
SuperBike
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,093
From: Geneseo, IL
Don't Fart in Bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
Last edited by VTR1000F; Jul 3, 2014 at 07:48 PM.
