The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.


If you have set yourself on fire, do not run


If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.



If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder


If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.


Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

 

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.


Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the **** away.


Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.


Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.


If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

 

If your building collapses, give yourself a ******* while waiting to be rescued.


Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that ****.


-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell

 

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.


If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.


If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.


Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.


-- A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

 

What's your outlaw biker name?

http://www.ratbike.org/motorcycho/outlawname.php


Mine is Ol' Dirtbeard of the Sons of Santa MC......lol

 

Condeleeza Rice came in to President Bush's office and said "Sir, 2 Brazilian soldiers died in Iraq today."

George replied, "Holy Jesus this is terrible. How am I ever going to tell the American people about this one?"

She ponders about his strange over-reaction for a minute, then leaves.

George then turns to his secretary and says, "How much is a brazillion?"

 

I Think I Saw Something


Did You Mean Me?


Looks Clear - No Need To Be Quiet


Yessir


I'm Having A Hard Time Seeing Very Far Without My Glasses


Aim for The ***


I Can't Reach This Pocket (assistance requested)


I Have Been Hit (showing approximate size of hole)


Something's Wrong With My Gun (repeat gesture to add "..again!" to indicate frustration)


This is My Stop

 

Shut Up A Second


My Battery Died


Jesus Christ they're Shooting at us



Be Quiet for Once In Your Goddamned Lives, Already


I Need More Ammo


Male


Unwashed


Teenager


Bearded Thug


Crybaby

 

Unconscious


Pansy


Big ****


Boyish, Hairless Male


Television


Book


****, I Think He Was On Our Side


He'll Be Out In A Minute


I Missed Because My Sights Are Off


Sorry, My Fault

 

My (Fogged-up) Goggles need a Wipe


I Brought the Wrong Ammo Again


This is what I think of your Opinion


They Haven't Got A Chance


They May Have A Chance


We haven't Got A Chance


You First


There's No Way I'm Going In There


We're Outta Here


Stay In Front of Me Where It's Safe

 

Are there Two Teams, or what?

This Gear is Heavy, My Lower Back Could Use a Massage

 

Up late huh???

 

Not that much to do.

 

CPR First Aid training this AM.

 

Oh yea, AED too.

 

Love my job, cause my job loves me.

 

Still have not gotten my grips installed.

 

Working on my stinkin Polaris all the time.

 

Those pictograms are pretty funny. I don't care who you are.

 

Gonna be a great weekend. I can feel it.

 

I am gonna make it a 5 day weekend. Taking off Sat-next Wed.

 

Gonna take the kids somewhere just to get out of the house.


Any low cost ideas?

 

Wifey made my favorite cookies last night.

Chocolate "No Bake" cookies.

 

Guess what I brought for lunch??