if you're coming to Chicago, put you pocket knife in your tank bag.

i'm sure that many of you, like me, carry a pocket knife with you. i'm partial to liner-lock blade folding knives. i have a modest collection that needed to be re-built about 10 years ago after a young women who worked with my wife house-sat for us while we were on a trip. her boyfriend was a Chicago cop and they decided to have a cop party in our apartment while we were away. when we got back i noticed that all of my knives were missing... yeah. good luck with getting those back. the cop boyfriend blamed it on a klepto-kid who'd been at the party. huh?

i usually get hassled by a Chicago cop once a year on average. a couple weeks ago i was educated by one of them regarding the four finger rule. yes. if you are carrying a knife in your pocket (aka concealed), and a Chicago cop lays their four fingers perpendicular to the blade and it extends past their four fingers, it is considered an illegal concealed weapon. this cop told me that he had to confiscating my Kershaw 1790CTK knife. this is my hands-down favorite folding knife. when he was trying to close it, i had to stop him before he cut himself. "Be careful!"

i, of course, objected and began to explain Illinois knife laws to him... which didn't go over well and got me an offer to go to jail in cuffs. 3.5", more likely 3.75" blade folding knife is perfectly legal in Illinois to carry in your pocket. this particular knife blade measures 3.53" at its longest point from liner to tip. i sometimes carry a tape-measure in my tank bag and went to retrieve it in order to give this moron a real measurement. unfortunately, the tape measure was not with me that day. i asked for a cop with fatter fingers. that didn't go over well, either. all of their fingers are the same size, he told me in so many words. i was skinning rabbits when this dumb f**k was still wearing diapers.

he got what he wanted. i grovelled and expressed remorse and promised not to carry this blade in my pocket any more, just to get my damn knife back. "Yes Sir, Officer. I'm very sorry Officer." f**king dick. but he actually gave me my knife back and instructed me to put it into my tank bag. "Why are you carrying this knife?" "Well, i use it as a tool, Officer. 95% of it's use is as a box cutter." he made no bones about the fact that he knew that i was lying. "If I let you go without a warning, and you end up stabbing someone in a knife-fight later today... Do you have your drivers license?" "No Officer, i always ride around the city without it." of course i have my drivers license you *******. here. "Where does it say that you are licensed to ride a motorcycle?" "It's that 'M' after the 'D', Sir." so he is holding my drivers license and asks me to spell me name and give him my address... "My name is Urama Ron, Sir."

i love this city.

--fred