Post Whoring Newbie Thread
11-21-2012, 11:18 AM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
My First Condom
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 17. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Delores) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the wholeprocedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
Apparently I still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on, Allan?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She then beat the **** out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 17. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Delores) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the wholeprocedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
Apparently I still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on, Allan?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She then beat the **** out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
11-21-2012, 12:24 PM
Well take off, eh.
SuperBike
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: QC, Canada
Posts: 1,201
Teenager walks into a pharmacy, gets the pharmacist behind the counter, and asks
him to sell him the biggest and best box of condoms he has. Begins to explain to the
pharmacist, he has a very important date tonight with a new girl he has just meet.
He will have supper at her parents’ house, and then take her out, and if the date
goes as he expects, he is going to get lucky…very lucky.
Meets his new girlfriend at her parents’ house for supper. They are now sitting down
around the supper table, and her father asks if anyone wants to say grace. The teenager
begins with grace thanking God for the meal, thanking him health, life, etc. and he goes
on and on and on thanking God for all sorts of things.
His girlfriend leans over to him, and whispers in his ear, ‘ I never thought you were so religious’.
Teenager responds, ‘ You never told me your dad was a Pharmacist ‘
him to sell him the biggest and best box of condoms he has. Begins to explain to the
pharmacist, he has a very important date tonight with a new girl he has just meet.
He will have supper at her parents’ house, and then take her out, and if the date
goes as he expects, he is going to get lucky…very lucky.
Meets his new girlfriend at her parents’ house for supper. They are now sitting down
around the supper table, and her father asks if anyone wants to say grace. The teenager
begins with grace thanking God for the meal, thanking him health, life, etc. and he goes
on and on and on thanking God for all sorts of things.
His girlfriend leans over to him, and whispers in his ear, ‘ I never thought you were so religious’.
Teenager responds, ‘ You never told me your dad was a Pharmacist ‘
11-21-2012, 02:24 PM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
11-22-2012, 05:16 AM
Retired- but not tired!
SuperBike
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,478
My First Condom
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 17. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Delores) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the wholeprocedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
Apparently I still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on, Allan?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She then beat the **** out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 17. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Delores) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the wholeprocedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
Apparently I still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on, Allan?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She then beat the **** out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
Thanks for the Thanksgiving Day laugh.
12-05-2012, 01:56 PM
Senior Member
MotoGP
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,869
As reported by the San Jose Mercury News:
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be first class."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F**k you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be first class."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F**k you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
12-17-2012, 12:30 PM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
Natural Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, don't have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
18. Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, don't have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
18. Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
01-05-2013, 03:11 PM
Retired- but not tired!
SuperBike
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,478
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ***."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be Cheerios!"
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ***."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be Cheerios!"
01-05-2013, 06:10 PM
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Leander TX!!
Posts: 9,049
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ***."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be Cheerios!"
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ***."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be Cheerios!"
01-10-2013, 10:09 AM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
yep, little Johnny has a sister!
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mom,"Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"
Sally replied, "No... Salty."
Mom fainted.
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mom,"Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"
Sally replied, "No... Salty."
Mom fainted.
01-17-2013, 01:22 PM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He is in need of a new milk cow
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
(that would be ' North Dakota ' for you non - Scandahoovians).
Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk.
When he grabs her teat and pulls ... the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised.
He looks at the farmer, then reaches under the cow to try again.
He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again.
Milk does squirt out however, so after some discussion Ole decides to buy the cow.
When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven,
come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches down, pulls her teat - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says,
"You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"
Ole is so surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
"Yah, dats right ......... But how did you know?"
"My wife's from Nordakota."
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
(that would be ' North Dakota ' for you non - Scandahoovians).
Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk.
When he grabs her teat and pulls ... the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised.
He looks at the farmer, then reaches under the cow to try again.
He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again.
Milk does squirt out however, so after some discussion Ole decides to buy the cow.
When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven,
come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches down, pulls her teat - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says,
"You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"
Ole is so surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
"Yah, dats right ......... But how did you know?"
"My wife's from Nordakota."
01-21-2013, 01:53 PM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
A cowboy named Shane was overseeing his herd
in a remote mountainous pasture in Utah when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan®
sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,
"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an
MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with
email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a
response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Shane.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Shane says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Shane.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a
living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
in a remote mountainous pasture in Utah when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan®
sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,
"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an
MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with
email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a
response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Shane.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Shane says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Shane.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a
living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
01-25-2013, 08:14 AM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabby Tracy to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis,
so **** off and wait for a camel!"
01-29-2013, 06:40 AM
Well take off, eh.
SuperBike
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: QC, Canada
Posts: 1,201
Ethel
(If youdon't laugh at this one, you're dead!)
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around thenursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed onthe long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residentstolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and KookyClarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firmvoice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held itup to him.
'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped outin front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her,butt-naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.
'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyser Test again.!!!'
02-14-2013, 10:19 AM
Banned
MotoGP
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
A man was having a few pints at his local pub. After a while he noticed a very large woman dancing on a table. Deciding he needs to say something, he gets up and says "nice legs".
The woman blushes and says " ya think?"
"Yes, " the man retorts, "most tables would have collapsed long ago."
The woman blushes and says " ya think?"
"Yes, " the man retorts, "most tables would have collapsed long ago."
04-07-2013, 10:26 AM
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Leander TX!!
Posts: 9,049
Bam!
Hey, so did you guys know that I have had a full time job now for over 4 months?!? I know right...crazy... I was doing contract work with this company for about a year, when they offered me a full time position.. It was a tough call, but I took it, and am very glad I did. The company I was contract through just lost their contract with them, so I would have been out of work.. Sounds like they are still happy with my work, as I am getting more projects on a weekly basis. I will never again complain about WORK, and thank the good Lord everyday for this amazing opportunity. I might actually be on the look out for another Bike.. though this time I will be looking for a cruiser...
Hey, so did you guys know that I have had a full time job now for over 4 months?!? I know right...crazy... I was doing contract work with this company for about a year, when they offered me a full time position.. It was a tough call, but I took it, and am very glad I did. The company I was contract through just lost their contract with them, so I would have been out of work.. Sounds like they are still happy with my work, as I am getting more projects on a weekly basis. I will never again complain about WORK, and thank the good Lord everyday for this amazing opportunity. I might actually be on the look out for another Bike.. though this time I will be looking for a cruiser...
04-10-2013, 11:29 AM
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Leander TX!!
Posts: 9,049
