Had to work...


Damn, How freaking Left sided can the Liberal Media be?? The answer is NONE more left sided..there is no more space over there, with them all crammed in together...****** Morons...

 

Keepin it real

 

About 250 at the Laguna Beach Tea Party with many cars driving by on Pacific Coast Highway honking their horns and giving thumbs-up.

 

Randman,
On the way home we stopped at the grocery store and as I was perusing the beer aisle looking for deals, I saw Shiner Bock on sale $3 off at $6.59 (I hope it's cheaper in Texas). I never paid attention to that brand before, but since you said it was a favorite I thought I'd give it a try.

Very good beer but why a twist off cap

 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?


The Dog of course ... at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

 

Lenny went on vacation and asked Bobby to watch over his house. About a week later, Lenny calls home and asked "How's my cat?".Bobby hesitated and sadly told Lenny his cat died."What?! You shouldn't have broke the news to me like that! You should have done it slowly. The first time I called, you should have told me he was on the roof. The second time I called, you should have said there was no way to get him down. The third time I called, you should have told me that you tried to get her off the roof, but she fell down and died," explained Lenny.Bobby apologized and went about his day.About a week later, Lenny called again and asked "How's my Granny?".There was a long silence and then Bobby replied. "Well, she's on the roof."

 

joke of the day ^^ thanks

 

Why is Obama like a crooked TV preacher?


He talks a lot, delivers little and wants all your money.

 

Why does Barack Obama stink as President?



Because his initials are B.O.

 

It's too bad that we can't buy stock in the federal tax system. With Obama as president that will be only thing sure to go up.

 

President Obama is angrily calling for more federal tax increases. He just heard from his advisors that some American taxpayers weren't completely broke yet.

 

The best things in life are free but President Obama's tax advisors are working hard trying to solve that problem.

 

President Obama plans to start printing income tax forms on Kleenex, so it will be easier for us to pay through the nose.

 

Who should be listed as the most expensive dependent on your tax return?



President Obama.

 

President Obama will make it a lot easier for most people to do their income taxes next year. No jobs, no income.

 

Despite what some people are claiming, this country is just as free under the Obama presidency as it ever was . . . unless you happen to be a taxpayer.

 

President Obama intends to reward ambition. With higher taxes.

 

The new Obama quarters had to be recalled. The ears kept getting stuck in vending machines.

 

Thanks to Barack Obama's "recovery" plan, Americans workers have been sleeping like babies. They wake up every couple of hours and cry.

 

Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?


A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

 

James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn’t wake up.
He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you,” demanded James, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?” The mysterious man answered “This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter”.
James didn’t take the news so well… “You mean I’m dead! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t even said goodbye to my family… you’ve got to send me back right away!”
St. Peter replied “You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated - but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. “This ain’t so bad,” he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies James, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “haven’t you ever laid an egg before?”
“Never” replies James.
“Well just relax and let it happen.”
And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him - emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first time ever. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him… ever!
The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout “James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you’re sh*tting the bed!”

 

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.” Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses… ”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie h?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
“But my sweet honey…at the bar….you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”
“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?…”LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F*CKIN’ HORS D’OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED *** ISN’T GOING TO A F*CKIN’ BAR! THAT SH*IT IS OVER… GOT IT, AS*HOLE?”
…and they lived happily ever after.

 

A pissed off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the bar, so one night he took her along.
“What’ll ya have?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
“Yuck, it’s nasty poisen!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”
“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

 

Dude, it's Texas!

 

Then we all qualify for NINJA loans like some other folks. No Income, No Job, Adjustable rate. This is something you can ride (along with you disability check) until the house of cards fall down.

Barnie Franks - the tea party is coming for you. They want their retirement back.

 

I'll bet that 30 years ago all Texan's carried a church key 24/7.

 

Worse yet, I hear some of them are considering righting the wrongs of the government and unscrupulous businessmen according to French Revolutionaly Law. Remember the big blade? The public dispay?

I'm sure government will be first to meat it out on the citizens because they need the revenue but the pendulum swings both ways. Do we bail out XYZ or do we bailout our kids?

You want to see what kind of power you wield as people?

On July 3, 2009 submit the paperwork to your employer to change you with-holding allowance to 25 dependants. Neither your employer or the IRS can prohibit you from doing this. Put the additional money that you are paid in a savings account and accumulate it for 90 days.

At the end of that 90 days let us see how agreeable our government is to conducting the will of the people.