Santa Rocks
12-13-2012, 09:15 AM
#1
Banned
MotoGP
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake View Terrace, CA
Posts: 5,942
Santa Rocks
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to
the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like
an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope
you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are
all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried
all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't
want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think
I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by
you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn
this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a
jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a
year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I
remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a
guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have
been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident
and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally,
the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also
improve you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion
that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting
to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.
Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're
gonna be waiting for your fat *** and I'm taking my game console, my
game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world
on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe?
"He sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake." Sound
familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.
I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to
hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your
Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're
not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to
stomp a mud hole in your a** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought, you little bastard.
Santa
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to
the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like
an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope
you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are
all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried
all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't
want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think
I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by
you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn
this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a
jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a
year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I
remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a
guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have
been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident
and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally,
the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also
improve you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion
that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting
to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.
Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're
gonna be waiting for your fat *** and I'm taking my game console, my
game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world
on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe?
"He sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake." Sound
familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.
I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to
hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your
Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're
not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to
stomp a mud hole in your a** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought, you little bastard.
Santa
12-13-2012, 10:13 AM
#3
Senior Member
Superstock
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Los Angeles & Winston Salem
Posts: 433
I went to the mall last night to do some christmas shopping. I was getting on my bike, when I remembered I had forgotten to stop by KB Toys to buy something for a co-worker's daughter. So I'm walking back in to the mall, and when I'm about to get to the door, I see this kid, maybe 11 or 12, sitting on the curb with a $100 bill in his hand and sobbing. I walked over to him and asked if he was alright. This is where it gets really sad.
He told me that he has 2 brothers and a younger sister. They're all between 4 and 8. They live with their mom, who works 2 jobs just to get by. Apparently, she had been saving what little she could to buy Christmas presents for her kids.
Since she had to go to work, she gave him $200 and dropped him off at the mall so he could buy some presents for everyone. Apparently, as soon as he walked into the mall, some one ran and snatched one of the $100 bills from his hand, and now he didnt have enough money to get nice presents for everyone.
I asked him why he didnt put it in his pocket or wallet, and he just started crying even more...said he didnt know. I felt really bad for the little kid, you know?
Then he said that the worst part was that he screamed for help and no one did anything! The funny thing is, when he was telling me this... he was almost whispering and I could hardly hear what he was saying.
I said "Well, how loud did you scream". He said "Like this..." and showed me, but truth be told, I could hardly hear him, so its unlikely that passersby in a loud mall would have heard him. I said.."Well, thats why. You can't scream."
He said "I'm sorry! I cant scream any louder!". I asked "Are you sure you can't scream any louder?" He said "Yeah, thats all." I told him "No wonder... no one can hear you calling for help". So I snatched the other $100 bill from his hand and took off running.
Happy holidays!
He told me that he has 2 brothers and a younger sister. They're all between 4 and 8. They live with their mom, who works 2 jobs just to get by. Apparently, she had been saving what little she could to buy Christmas presents for her kids.
Since she had to go to work, she gave him $200 and dropped him off at the mall so he could buy some presents for everyone. Apparently, as soon as he walked into the mall, some one ran and snatched one of the $100 bills from his hand, and now he didnt have enough money to get nice presents for everyone.
I asked him why he didnt put it in his pocket or wallet, and he just started crying even more...said he didnt know. I felt really bad for the little kid, you know?
Then he said that the worst part was that he screamed for help and no one did anything! The funny thing is, when he was telling me this... he was almost whispering and I could hardly hear what he was saying.
I said "Well, how loud did you scream". He said "Like this..." and showed me, but truth be told, I could hardly hear him, so its unlikely that passersby in a loud mall would have heard him. I said.."Well, thats why. You can't scream."
He said "I'm sorry! I cant scream any louder!". I asked "Are you sure you can't scream any louder?" He said "Yeah, thats all." I told him "No wonder... no one can hear you calling for help". So I snatched the other $100 bill from his hand and took off running.
Happy holidays!
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