Banking and Marriage.....What do you do?
Thread Starter
mildly retarded
SuperBike
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,278
From: Denver, CO
Banking and Marriage.....What do you do?
I have been polling friends and family about this.
I want to share a common checking account and savings account and leave it at that. Why do some people continue to keep separate finances after they are married? it makes no logical sense to me!
What are your thoughts guys?
I want to share a common checking account and savings account and leave it at that. Why do some people continue to keep separate finances after they are married? it makes no logical sense to me!
What are your thoughts guys?
New Hawk Rider
Superstock
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 258
From: Ventura Co. SoCAL
I think once the money is pooled together then it becomes much easier to manage and also creates less "I pay for everything" mentality.
My wife and I have been joint from the start. My sister-in-law and her husband stay separate and have to decide who pays for what all the time. To me that seems like a headache that can be avoided. You are getting married, becoming one couple. Why keep the money any different. If you want to hang on to your own individuality, why do people get married?
I agree with you, makes no sense to have separate bank accounts.
My wife and I have been joint from the start. My sister-in-law and her husband stay separate and have to decide who pays for what all the time. To me that seems like a headache that can be avoided. You are getting married, becoming one couple. Why keep the money any different. If you want to hang on to your own individuality, why do people get married?
I agree with you, makes no sense to have separate bank accounts.
Senior Member
Superstock
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 363
From: Shreveport / Bossier City
Have 3 accounts. One for each of you and one joint account. What my wife and I did was take each of our salaries and figured out what percentage of 100% we each make, then we did the same with the bills.
Example: I make 40% of the total income
she makes 60% of the total income
we then divide the bills in the same mannor, and assign 40% of the bills to me, and 60% to her. Now, I'm not saying your ENTIRE income goes towards bills, (your income should definately exceed your bills) Any leftover money we each have is our own to do with what each of us please.
We only use our joint account for large purchases and investments etc...
This method has worked for us for over 6 years with almost zero problems. It gives each of you a sense of financial freedom and doesn't force only one of you to be the accountant of the family.
Also stop and realize that one of you could go batshit at any given time, having seperate accounts would prevent a freaked out spouse from having complete control of ALL of your money.
Example: I make 40% of the total income
she makes 60% of the total income
we then divide the bills in the same mannor, and assign 40% of the bills to me, and 60% to her. Now, I'm not saying your ENTIRE income goes towards bills, (your income should definately exceed your bills) Any leftover money we each have is our own to do with what each of us please.
We only use our joint account for large purchases and investments etc...
This method has worked for us for over 6 years with almost zero problems. It gives each of you a sense of financial freedom and doesn't force only one of you to be the accountant of the family.
Also stop and realize that one of you could go batshit at any given time, having seperate accounts would prevent a freaked out spouse from having complete control of ALL of your money.
Last edited by Mike996; Jan 14, 2010 at 06:06 AM.
Senior Member
Back Marker
Back Marker
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 139
From: Wisconsin
I think it depends alot on age. I didn't get married until i was 34 so i was pretty much set in my ways. Also, my wife was is 7 years younger than me and buys alot more useless crap than i do like purses and shoes. Had i been married at say 24, i would probably have opened joint accounts.
2nd mouse gets the cheese
SuperBike
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,697
From: Beaverton, OR
we just have one checkings and savings account. Seems like to me it is the way to go. You should be talking about how you spend you money anyways. All that seperate accounts make is for it to be easier not to talk about it. Not talking is problems if you ask me. We budget for things like motorcycle projects since otherwise I may spend too much considering the fun to be had 
. It helps to figure out what ammount is the minimum needed to be discussed is, usually for us its over $20 which may sound extreme but the discussion usually goes like this. "I want (or need) to get (such an item), it costs $30." Then she or I say ok sounds good. Truthfully I can't think of a single time we have fought about money.
. It helps to figure out what ammount is the minimum needed to be discussed is, usually for us its over $20 which may sound extreme but the discussion usually goes like this. "I want (or need) to get (such an item), it costs $30." Then she or I say ok sounds good. Truthfully I can't think of a single time we have fought about money.
Administrator
MotoGP
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,402
From: Kempner, TX
19 years of marriage.. we have two accounts.. all monies go in to one, then we have an automatic allotment into a second.. Bills are paid from the primary.. I use the second account for toys, parts, gas, daily stuff. this keeps us from spending the same money twice.. Works really well for us, especially when I'm deployed..
When i spend the monthly deposited $500 we just do a transfer of $xx in to the second account. till next month. By agreement, anything purchased at more then $150 is talked about beforehand,, not permission, just to make sure the other does not have plans for the same large chunk of money or are looking to buy the same part. (Once i bought a new exhaust for one of our bikes,, only to get home after work and find a new exhaust sitting at the door step.. when I called her,, I was told ,,oh ya I forgot to tell you,, I ordered that last week for your bike...LOL)
When i spend the monthly deposited $500 we just do a transfer of $xx in to the second account. till next month. By agreement, anything purchased at more then $150 is talked about beforehand,, not permission, just to make sure the other does not have plans for the same large chunk of money or are looking to buy the same part. (Once i bought a new exhaust for one of our bikes,, only to get home after work and find a new exhaust sitting at the door step.. when I called her,, I was told ,,oh ya I forgot to tell you,, I ordered that last week for your bike...LOL)
I put the shawn...
Squid
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 47
From: York SC
I have separate accounts 
Why? well, for the following reasons:
1. I'm lazy and havent joined them together
2. I make 75% of our income and pay 100% of OUR bills (she pays hers, i pay mine, i pay ours)
3. If she has $1000 in an account she thinks she's rich.
4. If i have $10,000 in an account, i still know i'm poor.
5. I dont want her spending our security fund...or even asking to spend it...i'd rather her not know we have anything at all. Otherwise, we won't.
Why? well, for the following reasons:
1. I'm lazy and havent joined them together
2. I make 75% of our income and pay 100% of OUR bills (she pays hers, i pay mine, i pay ours)
3. If she has $1000 in an account she thinks she's rich.
4. If i have $10,000 in an account, i still know i'm poor.
5. I dont want her spending our security fund...or even asking to spend it...i'd rather her not know we have anything at all. Otherwise, we won't.
Senior Member
Superstock
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 250
From: NJ/NYC
I have seperate accounts and just put money to her account every paycheck. My wife has a control issue so if we had joint accounts I wouldn't be buying anything about motorcycle and cars. I also have a 23 year old step-daughter which feels that she can run up her credit cards and mommy will pay for the bill. I refuse for that one to happen with my money, but in a way it is.
The second reason that I keep seperate accounts is from my past. My first wife used to spend the money if she saw it in the account. I had to have money put aside each month that she didn't know about so we could pay bills later as they came up. Thank god for ING Direct.
The second reason that I keep seperate accounts is from my past. My first wife used to spend the money if she saw it in the account. I had to have money put aside each month that she didn't know about so we could pay bills later as they came up. Thank god for ING Direct.
Senior Member
MotoGP
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,138
From: Austin, Tx
You only know for sure it's not working when you own $100 bird houses. When I left the financial "arrangement" of the past I took my ability to create an income and $486 in my business account. She'd spent everything else.
Wait until KD gets hold of this one.
Wait until KD gets hold of this one.
Just Ride
Squid
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 28
keep em separate man. you may love her now, but according to the U.S divorce rate statistics, you have a 41-50% chance of not loving her later. If that 41-50% chance turns into reality, then there is a 100% chance your money will walk with her.
Calamari
Squid
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 65
From: Edmonton
Wow. Lots of opinions and valid points.
For what it's worth Shiz, you already know that marriage is (or should be) a huge commitment. Don't want to stir the pot here but isn't trust one of those all-or-nothing propositions? This is far beyond shacking up to see if you're sympatico. It seems to me that setting up contigencies for a possible future relationship failure paves the path for a self fulfilling prophecy.
25 years ago I was the first of my group of college buddies to get married. When we announced our engagement this same question was raised by my friends with a similar exchange of comments to those expressed here. We have had mostly a shared accounts over our 25 years together. The only exceptions happen when employers want to direct deposit to a bank we don't use. Even then the funds are immediately transferred into our joint account. Maybe some day our feelings will change and I'll be taken to the cleaners. If that happens I don't want the 'money issue' to be a contributing factor. I'm not saying that every couple should handle their finances this way. It's just the way we do it and it seems to work for us.
As an aside: We've been together 30 years and celebrated our 25th last July. As an anniversary present to both of us she decided to take the motorcycle training program and purchased a VT750 Aero so we can ride together. Still crazy (about that gal of mine) after all these years.
For what it's worth Shiz, you already know that marriage is (or should be) a huge commitment. Don't want to stir the pot here but isn't trust one of those all-or-nothing propositions? This is far beyond shacking up to see if you're sympatico. It seems to me that setting up contigencies for a possible future relationship failure paves the path for a self fulfilling prophecy.
25 years ago I was the first of my group of college buddies to get married. When we announced our engagement this same question was raised by my friends with a similar exchange of comments to those expressed here. We have had mostly a shared accounts over our 25 years together. The only exceptions happen when employers want to direct deposit to a bank we don't use. Even then the funds are immediately transferred into our joint account. Maybe some day our feelings will change and I'll be taken to the cleaners. If that happens I don't want the 'money issue' to be a contributing factor. I'm not saying that every couple should handle their finances this way. It's just the way we do it and it seems to work for us.
As an aside: We've been together 30 years and celebrated our 25th last July. As an anniversary present to both of us she decided to take the motorcycle training program and purchased a VT750 Aero so we can ride together. Still crazy (about that gal of mine) after all these years.
Wrench Bender
Squid
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 96
From: Auburn, CA
We went all in. We talk about everything over our weekly cash allotment (ususally $20 to $40 each). 18 years later, we still do this and it works for us. No two are the same, I suggest you talk to your SO and decide this together. It is a good place to start.
Just an opinion.
Just an opinion.
Member
Squid
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35
From: Kirkland, Wa.
I'm awful with money, my girl is fantastic. We don't have a shared account (until the marriage at least), but she gives me a weekly allowance and has my checkbook. If a bill needs to be paid, she lets me know, and I sign the check or she uses my card to pay. We will have joint accounts eventually though. Doesn't seem to be a good reason not to..
Senior Member
MotoGP
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 5,066
From: NYC
If you keep the money seperate, it is the framework for keeping EVERYTHING seperate, including the partners. You gotta pitch that thing in and have FAITH that the tires will hold. There is no outrigger.(except your knee). If you are getting married & not ready for the whole commitment, DONT GET MARRIED. You gotta heel it over & keep staring at the apex, if you look at the gravel, thats where you will go. Seperate finances? Whats next, seperate beds? seperate vacations? Whats the point, you can always get a room-mate. This shouldn't be that.
Senior Member
SuperBike
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,978
From: thorold ontario
We split everything. If we go out we take turns paying. It works pretty good and we actually don't conflict about it. And anytime we do its resolved with paper rock scissors. Not kidding. Its fun 
plus I fear that if I had access to even more money I'd be tempted to spend more. And this way I can also hide what I buy that she doenst eant me buying. Its not a lack of trust thing. Its a I don't want her to nag at me for being crap we don't need thing
plus I fear that if I had access to even more money I'd be tempted to spend more. And this way I can also hide what I buy that she doenst eant me buying. Its not a lack of trust thing. Its a I don't want her to nag at me for being crap we don't need thing
Senior Member
Back Marker
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 125
From: Dayton,Ohio
Food for thought: My son and his wife have been together for 15years,4 kids,new home,now shes not happy,says its time to start living for ME !!!! She wants him to leave.She handled all the money,he makes $80,000,she makes $20,000.He just discovered that she has opened 12 credit cards in his name totaling $27,000 and occasionally made payments.The only credit card he knew of was his Home Depot card with a $200 limit. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU !!!!!
Senior Member
SuperSport
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 530
From: Central Fl.
Errrrr....
Thread is about how couples handle money, not how they set about screwing one another.
It's really important for both parts of a relationship to have a good FICO rating, an IRA, be mutually protected with wills etc, have participation in property rights and so forth.
With those priorities in place, then the cash flow and budget fall into place. Setting up accounts is like stocking a tool box. First the box, then the tools as they are required.
If there is severe reluctance to participate on either side of the relationship, then the marriage needs to have it's definition examined. It's a long term thing, the longest journey starts with a single step etc. Here we are thirty seven years later and my wife and I are still taking mutual steps.
Best to ya!
Thread is about how couples handle money, not how they set about screwing one another.
It's really important for both parts of a relationship to have a good FICO rating, an IRA, be mutually protected with wills etc, have participation in property rights and so forth.
With those priorities in place, then the cash flow and budget fall into place. Setting up accounts is like stocking a tool box. First the box, then the tools as they are required.
If there is severe reluctance to participate on either side of the relationship, then the marriage needs to have it's definition examined. It's a long term thing, the longest journey starts with a single step etc. Here we are thirty seven years later and my wife and I are still taking mutual steps.
Best to ya!
OCMD honorary member
Superstock
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 252
From: Olympia, WA
It really comes down to the induviduals.
It is really good that you are talking about the options.
-Take into account of who is the best of keeping track and paying the bills.
-How does each party feel about pooling the money or keeping it separate.
-Do both of you have close to the same spending/saving habits? Meaning; Does one of you buy frivilous un-needed items constantly and the other rarely even buy what is needed.
Evaluate your situation, strengths, needs. That way you can come up with what works for the two of you.
We pool ours together, our spending habits are the same. We are equal at paying attention to bills. We let the other know about purchases over @$150.00 just for FYI. Our incomes are similar. We review the account together weekly.
This isn't the only way but it works for us.
They say money issues are right up there on reasons for divorce.
Like I said it is good you are talking about it and being proactive.
Good Luck!
It is really good that you are talking about the options.
-Take into account of who is the best of keeping track and paying the bills.
-How does each party feel about pooling the money or keeping it separate.
-Do both of you have close to the same spending/saving habits? Meaning; Does one of you buy frivilous un-needed items constantly and the other rarely even buy what is needed.
Evaluate your situation, strengths, needs. That way you can come up with what works for the two of you.
We pool ours together, our spending habits are the same. We are equal at paying attention to bills. We let the other know about purchases over @$150.00 just for FYI. Our incomes are similar. We review the account together weekly.
This isn't the only way but it works for us.
They say money issues are right up there on reasons for divorce.
Like I said it is good you are talking about it and being proactive.
Good Luck!
OCMD honorary member
Superstock
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 252
From: Olympia, WA
I really think that the 3 account deal would probably work best and be best for most people though. My folks use it (both on their second marriage)
She makes gobs and he makes ok $. This way the bills get paid and each person gets their own money to be accountable for. Spend on whatever without hardship or B.S.
She makes gobs and he makes ok $. This way the bills get paid and each person gets their own money to be accountable for. Spend on whatever without hardship or B.S.
Senior Member
SuperSport
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 987
From: San Diego, CA
Hmm. I'm not married, but have thought about this. I make 2x what she does. I'm a **** with my money. I have a mortgage and yet I still spend less every month than she does.
I would not do a joint account until she developed better spending habits. (And she would support that decision too.)
Faith isn't the issue. People have strengths and weaknesses, and it's just common sense to rely on the better budgeter.
If she's way better at cooking, are you still going to share cooking duties equally? I don't think so. Just the same as you might not want her running the chop saw in your garage.
I've been doing it the % method. If I make 2x as much, I pay for 2/3 of our shared expenses/leisure.
But unless she's forfeiting a career to raise kids or something, I'll be damned if I'm going to leave the decisions up to her over what I buy for myself with my own money. Once the bills are paid, and enough is put towards having fun, the rest is mine to spend on motorcycles, cars, and toys.
I also plan on owning enough of my own **** BEFOREHAND to sustain life after marriage, if it comes to that. It's difficult for two people to own half a house if you split up. I don't want to be financially married to someone that I'm divorced from. My parents got stuck in that mess for 5 years.
I would not do a joint account until she developed better spending habits. (And she would support that decision too.)
Faith isn't the issue. People have strengths and weaknesses, and it's just common sense to rely on the better budgeter.
If she's way better at cooking, are you still going to share cooking duties equally? I don't think so. Just the same as you might not want her running the chop saw in your garage.
I've been doing it the % method. If I make 2x as much, I pay for 2/3 of our shared expenses/leisure.
But unless she's forfeiting a career to raise kids or something, I'll be damned if I'm going to leave the decisions up to her over what I buy for myself with my own money. Once the bills are paid, and enough is put towards having fun, the rest is mine to spend on motorcycles, cars, and toys.
I also plan on owning enough of my own **** BEFOREHAND to sustain life after marriage, if it comes to that. It's difficult for two people to own half a house if you split up. I don't want to be financially married to someone that I'm divorced from. My parents got stuck in that mess for 5 years.
Last edited by CentralCoaster; Jan 15, 2010 at 05:58 PM.
Senior Member
SuperSport
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 987
From: San Diego, CA
Have 3 accounts. One for each of you and one joint account. What my wife and I did was take each of our salaries and figured out what percentage of 100% we each make, then we did the same with the bills.
Example: I make 40% of the total income
she makes 60% of the total income
we then divide the bills in the same mannor, and assign 40% of the bills to me, and 60% to her. Now, I'm not saying your ENTIRE income goes towards bills, (your income should definately exceed your bills) Any leftover money we each have is our own to do with what each of us please.
Example: I make 40% of the total income
she makes 60% of the total income
we then divide the bills in the same mannor, and assign 40% of the bills to me, and 60% to her. Now, I'm not saying your ENTIRE income goes towards bills, (your income should definately exceed your bills) Any leftover money we each have is our own to do with what each of us please.
I like this idea as it also forces you to establish a monthly budget for your bills and group fun money, and forces you keep an eye on it, so you know how much to put in for the following month... and then of course maintain a safe margin in there for the variables between months.
You could use the same % mentality to put towards a savings account assuming you have anything leftover every month after having fun.
Senior Member
Superstock
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 266
From: Westchester Co. NY
My wife is also my book keeper. She pays all the business' bills and the home stuff. I haven't seen a paycheck in 15 years. I know I get them 'cause I have a roof over my head. If I had a hand in any of the money stuff, I/we wouldn't have squat. Somehow I managed to buy a SH though. What falls out of the dryer is mine!
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