HawkFanatic

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

not sure if it is fiction, but very amusing

Blue Ridge Boy

I hope that's real...because that's great!

Atrain996

lol, wow, women....

Wolverine

bundleofgrundle

that is AWESOME

Starbucks Fueled

That is exactly why I got snipped 5 years ago. If they turn up pregnant, my foot will escort their *** out the door.

comedo

He should have told her earlier in the relationship. It was dishonest not to tell her. Obviously, she was dishonest and manipulative but the guy savoured being cruel to her. The woman-hating tone of the post is really offensive.

swordfish

I don't think that he was obligated to tell her. unless they agree to try to have kids, its really none of her business. and I gotta say, if I knew that a trap was being laid around me, I would savour the cruelty too. Bitch got off easy as far as I'm concerned. she's still breathing. she still has the kid. 2 gifts that she's not entitled to. and after what she tried, can we really blame him for his woman hating tone? a good woman is the rarest of things. given his experience, and others that I'm sure we all have had, why should we think otherwise.

Gregw

I've seen guys go into financial ruin when this same story played out differently.

CentralCoaster

He said it was only 4 months into the relationship. What's he supposed to do, wear a hat that says "I'm sterile!" ?

Having blind faith in anyone can only screw you in the end. She deserved that, probably had unprotected sex with the band guy but was looking for the easy way out.

jbaxx

She cheated on the guy and then tried to enslave him into 18 years of child support payments for a kid that he knew could not be his. Her lies and manipulation were exposed. Woman-hating tone? No, not for all women, but for her? You bet!

RK1

Exactly right. But I'm 99% sure the story is pure bullshit. If I'd been seeing and screwing a woman for 4 months and she showed up pregnant with what I knew to be somebody else's kid, she'd be out the door in 30 seconds flat- either under her own power or head first.

This guy is either a bigger shitbag than the woman who tried to hustle him, or he's a liar making **** up.

Pretty certain it's the latter. Pretty certain the guy who made it up is at least a wannabe shitbag anyhow.

FRANKSVTR

can't agree more

996SSVTR

That is funny...Maybe some of us can take notes

Should we have let them vote?

HawkFanatic

I think this might be BS too, but it was at least worth a good chuckle.

LineArrayNut

OK, I can relate.

At least it wasn't me.

Next door neighbor is a 10 foot hottie. She's got a boyfriend who's starting to get tired of paying for it. She entices me (I'm on the rebound) into hooking up. I use the sock for 6 months.
This dude is still hanging around in the wings. When she starts that "pay for my furniture payment" ****, I cut her off.
Dude welcomes her back w/ open arms. But she's still straying off the beaten path, w/ me and I'm sure, others. After a while he influences her to move away from me so the temptation won't be there.
She ends up knocked up. Dude pays for ALL her **** for 9 MONTHS. Buys her a rock. Moves her in to his house. It's time for the delivery -

It doesn't look AT ALL like him! He finally wises up and gets the paternity test. Nope, not his.

It was a one night stand, lol! Shagged at a concert, LOL! Doesn't even know the guys' name!

I felt like I had dodged a bullet.

john3012

This is my favorite.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best...018581833.html

drew_c14

This one isn't up anymore, but since were doing this...

My Favorite:


Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST


I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you so mehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, he? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recetly shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your20service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

Corona Hawk

email this posting to a friend best of craigslist > chicago > Dear Best Buy #305
Originally Posted: Mon, 2 Feb 22:34 CST

Dear Best Buy #305

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Date: 2009-02-02, 10:34PM CST



This Letter of Apology is not only for the staff at the Best Buy #305 in Schaumburg, Illinois, but also to the gentleman in the middle stall in the men’s restroom at about 5:17 CST on Saturday, January 31st. You had been in there for awhile, so this Letter of Apology is as much for you. Please let me expand…

I recently finished reading The Chris Farley Show (I strongly recommend this book for everyone) and have been wanting to buy SNL’s Best of Chris Farley. After my fiancee’s grandmother’s 90th birthday party in the northwest suburbs (very lovely gathering, by the way) Saturday late afternoon/early evening, I decide to stop by and buy it. Right away, I find the last one on the shelf as my fiancée is looking for other “bargains,” and I pass it to her when I realize my stomach is rumbling. I decide to take a trip to the men’s room in search of a better life for myself. That’s when complications began to arise.

As I walk towards the men’s room, a mother is telling her son “it’s okay, use the bathroom, I’ll be right here” or something like that. I remember being that age (about 7-9) and public bathrooms were not your friend. I walk in just behind the little boy and see him glance at the urinal for a brief second – and then he walks to the rear stall. DAMMIT!! The middle stall is taken, and I think pooping in a urinal on a Saturday afternoon is a felony in most states. I sigh, leave, and take a couple of more (fast) laps around all of the movies and Wii games.

I return to the restroom about four minutes and ten seconds later, and the rear stall is now open. PAYDIRT!!! The middle stall is still occupied by the same dude as before (I can tell by seeing the same shoes and pants on the floor underneath the door). I actually think to myself, “that sucks, poor guy.” After wiping the toilet seat, I sit down and take a refreshing and cleansing poo. Things are looking up in life again.

I go to flush the toilet and sneer at how ugly it looks in there. It’s bad. Really bad. It is actually too gross for me to follow-through on taking a picture of it and texting it to my friend Steve.

Anyway, here is where things went awry. Very. I flush the toilet. Bubble. Bubbling. Rumbling. Uh-oh. The water rises a little. Please go down. Please. The water rises a little more. Nervousness settles in. Quickly. ****. Dammit. ****. ****. ****. Stop the water. Industrial toilet. It’s not an option. WTF. ****. Please go down. Water still rising. Not going down. Really bad. 1” to go. **** **** ****. Please just stop. 1/2” left. Time to think of an exit strategy. Water overflows. Well, I guess you can call it water, but it doesn’t really look like water anymore. And, I just remember about the poor guy in the middle stall. Stay calm. And get out of there. Now.

“Watch your feet, dude, I’ll get somebody quick.” I said it as calm as I possibly could.

I almost immediately find a Best Buy employee: “I just wanted you to know that a toilet is overflowing in the men’s restroom, and you’re going to want to get somebody in there quick.”

I find my fiancée almost immediately. I walk very (very) fast towards her. “Can you get the movies? I’ll get the car.” She knows something is wrong. Very wrong. I guess I won’t argue with her buying Forgetting Sarah Marshall, then. I go to the car and circle around the parking lot for about eight minutes. I am hoping that the guy from the middle stall isn’t scouring the parking lot yet for the guy with brown hair in the black pullover and dark green vest. My fiancée walks out, she jumps in, and I speed away as fast as a 5 MPH speed limit in a parking lot permits.

So, please accept my apology, the guy in the middle stall, and also the fine employees at the Best Buy #305. I sincerely apologize for any heartache, headaches, and pain I may have caused you. And for ruining your weekend. Every time I watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my lovely soon-to-be wife, a special cloud of guilt will hang over my head for you.

Sincerely,

Anonymous.



Location: Schaumburg, Illinois
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1018581833

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