my sons mother wants to move out of state...
 

I live in MA and ive always wanted to get out of new england and move to the southern east coast states, namely the carolinas... well my sons mother has family in VA and she wants to move there to make a better life for her family. I completely understand where shes coming from, i really do. However i am currently in school and need to finish which will take atleast 2 years before its even in the cards to move down south closer to them.

I just dont know what to do... on the one side do i think it will be good for her and her family? Yes... but on the other side, for the next couple years its going to be tough to see him, the time spent with him will be for longer periods of time but fewer and far between... but who am i to stop her if i plan on moving that direction in the next couple of years?

Has anyone here had to deal with this? Thoughts... input... ?

Hes 2 by the way

That's a tough one. All decisions would require some sacrifice. Long term, finishing school, which should give you a better income, will be the better option. My $.02

Thats what ive been thinking... the only downside to the situation that i can see is not being able to see my son every other day...

I would probably have him for a 2 week stretch every other month...

How long you've been married, your ages and how you both feel about your marriage's strength would be relevant to any advice. A temporary split can exacerbate any existing issues. This from a guy who has spent 51 years with the same woman (45 married).

If we were married it would be relevant but we were never married... we split up a year ago, weve both moved on... she has a boyfriend and a new born with him... and i am in a committed relationship with a mother of one who would relocate with me in the future once i finish school and get my career on track

Well, that complicates the situation. I would make plans that allow you to see your son a minimum of 4 times a month. Are there any legal limitations on how far she can move? Has paternity been established to insure your visitation rights? Child first, education next.

paternity is established and I have joint legal custody, there are no limitations, there just needs to be written consent if she brings him out of state for more then a day or two... and the 4 times a month might not be feasable... its a full days drive just to get there

I dont know how to work out the schedule, it will be tough...

I'm from the other side of the fence with no kids or experience, etc., but I'd think it'd be even tougher if he were older. Other than the kid's physical needs and your desire to participate in his upbringing, what are you missing when he's 2-4? Relative to the amount of importance you'll play in his life as he gets older, it may not be much? I'm sure the parents on here will slap me good for saying that, but I barely remember being 4. I would definitely notice a parent missing through adolescence, though.

I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud. I'd hate to get in the habit of not seeing him, but I don't see it as a cut and dry case.

Are there no good schools down south where you can transfer to?

Scottie

Kudos for being in ur son's life, lots of absent parents out there.

1. U say U will move after school - that's 100%? maybe it is now, but in 2 years that might change for various reasons

2. If she is set on going, I'd let her go, but with a written agreement. In said agreement state whatever terms U feel U want. Your doing her a favor, thus have the upper hand. Have this agreement notarized (U don't need a lawyer, unless U want it) and file this agreement with the county court system. That way everything is above board.

3. Maybe in the agreement, U have a provision that if U don't move, she has to meet U half way during exchanges of child. Hell I'd do that even now, thats if U plan on driving to exchange the custody. Or have her pay for him to fly (might be tough now since he's so young)

Thats all I got, good luck


FTR - I have 4 kids, but still married (at least for now...)

Thank you all for the kind words and advice...i am going to let her go but there are so many things to figure out before then... and yes id rather be more absent for the 2-4 age then 4 and older although i will obviously still be seeing him just not as often...

And i was 100% before i met her, while i was with her and now that i can actually move down there because i will be closer to my son is great..

And as for school, my parents are helping me pay... im getting my second associates at the local community college then transferring to a 4 year school for my bachelors... so maybe ill just finish my associates then move down and find a school down there to finish the bachelors...

Sounds like a plan. And if ur going to NC - I'd stay West - it gets real Hot & Humid in the flat lands down there in the Summer. Think about Boone or Asheville - good schools there & U still get seasonal weather, just not as harsh as us in the NE. Plus all the great moto roads in Western NC.

But please don't become a NASCRAP fan - lol

Thanks for the location advice... and dont worry... nothing impresses me about driving around in circles